Twist & Turns of a Life w/ Curls

I realized this afternoon that I have not wrote anything in quite some time.  Again, I have fallen off the horse.  I’m over the whole Nes thing of course, was right around the time of my last entry actually, and have been working on myself.  It also doesn’t help that I came down with a horrible cold the night of the 4th and is still wanting to hang around like we are the best of friends.  I can deal with colds and don’t usually get worked up in a tizzy over them, but my sister’s wedding was fast approaching and I didn’t want to feel like utter poo for the big day.  I missed worked last Monday and Tuesday in hopes that I would be well for the wedding, I was, but I still sounded like Minny Mouse with a small sock up her nose.  Oh well!

The wedding was a complete success with no hiccups and I don’t think it could have gone any better.  Everyone had a wonderful time, even my grandparents(!), and by the time I got home that evening I was completely exhausted and my voice was basically gone.  I cannot wait to see the photos from the two photographers and as soon as I can load my photos I snapped at the reception I will share them with you.  Over the next several days I hope to share a recap–if you don’t mind hearing about it.  Saturday was truely one of the best days in my life I know I will never forget

~*~*~

To try and step away from the downer of the past several posts I have shared, I wanted to let all of you know how my friend Kathy was doing.  Just a recap:

Kathy is in her early 50’s and over the past eight years or so she has battled cancer for the third time.  Yes, third.  The first time was breast cancer and the last two were in her liver.  The second time, when it was detected, the cancer was already a Stage 4 Liver Cancer and it didn’t look good–she had possibly less than a year to live.  After rounds and rounds of chemo, no radiation could be done due to the location near an important valve in the liver and also because the liver burns easily, she went into surgery.  The chemo Kathy was on made her very ill, she could hardly work sometimes, couldn’t drive, lost all her hair and she still kept her smartass and optimistic attitude.  I truly believe her faith and attitude is what got her through it and that is why she is still here. 

Halfway through her treatments I was able to start attending her chemo sessions with her so she didn’t have to go by herself.  She told me she felt like an inconvenience and didn’t want to mess up my schedule.  I just told her to shut up and quit being so stubborn because I was coming.  :)  The surgery was a success, but barely.  A major artery was nicked in her liver during the surgery and she basically lost all of her blood.  The hospital ran out of her blood type and had to then start cycling the blood through her to keep anything in her.  After the surgery and while still in the hospital, and the road map looking scar to follow, her lungs collapsed for whatever reason and she had to deal with that also.  Poor woman!

After the surgery the cancer was considered “dead” from either removing as much as they could or the treatment they administered directly to the spot.  Kathy was officially in remission and couldn’t have been happier.

Fast forward about a year and a half later and both of us participated in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in September 2007.  Kathy stated that lately she felt a little different and wasn’t sure why.  Three days later she found out the cancer was back and it was still in her liver.

Since early October Kathy has been on chemo once a week for three weeks and then off for one week.  She also had surgery, but this time they didn’t cut her open and instead went up through her leg and inserted tiny beads of chemo directly to the site.  So far the cancer is considered inactive and she is doing so well.  This time she has been even better than before, can work, drive, no hair loss, and still has her spunk.  Kathy has one more “cycle” and a scan will be done around mid-July to see if the cancer is still “dead”.  If nothing has changed since the surgery in late April the doctor will discontinue her chemo; however, since breast cancer tends to never really go away it seems, there is a very good chance the cancer will be back at some point down the road.  At least for now she will have a break from her weekly “cocktails” she called them.  If anyone at work asks if she can do something Thursday afternoon she always tells them, “Nope, I have to meet my girl CurlySue for cocktails at 3!” 

We can only pray and hope that the cancer will not return, but if it does, I know she will continue to battle it out.

~*~*~

Nothing has changed.  I still haven’t heard from him.  Instead of writing in the comment box to each person who left me a message on the previous post, here goes:

Dingo:

I think by writing what is going on I am asking for an opinion so feel free to give it.  This is a blog, people may say things that may or may not agree with or it may even hurt to read, but it’s my choice to put it out there so if I can’t handle it then that’s my problem, right? :)  I do appreciate what you said.  Just from what I know of him I wouldn’t expect that he would go this long without speaking to me.  When he is angry he expresses it and I can hear it in his tone of voice, and I heard none of that on Saturday evening.  Of course, being me, I start to think, what if something happened to him.  Then I realize I’m just trying to come up with an excuse of my own and more than likely that’s not the case.  I also know how caring and thoughtful he is and to treat me this way by not telling me anything, even just that he is upset and to give him some space, just doesn’t seem to be him.

Freeandflawed:

I have come to realize that I do fall hard.  I don’t think that the relationship was unhealthy, but I do agree I shouldn’t have cried after not talking to him for a few days–if that was normal for us.  It’s just not.  He always makes a point to text me, apologize if he said something out of line (which only happened twice before and they were minor) or call me.  When I have tried to contact him, which I have stopped now, I expressed that I realized I overreacted and just wanted to smooth things out and get through this.  If he can’t see that I have changed gears then I don’t know what else to do.

Yes, it is his loss that he has chosen to not speak to me about this.  Was he my whole world because we talked so much?  Maybe that made him a part of my life too fast, but I would never ignore someone’s call just because I was talking to him.  I think considering he was eight hours away and the phone becomes our lifeline, I didn’t think it was odd.  We both reciprocated the phone calls and texts so I thought things were fine and we weren’t going overboard.  Am I wrong?  I have no idea now.  I have since moved his number and stopped looking at my phone every 30 minutes to see if I missed something, when I know I haven’t.  My phone, regardless if Nes was in my life or not, is always with me so I know if I miss something.  Thank you for the little “girl take care of yourself first” push, it does help

Yes, a sudden and drastic change that is completely not normal I think the most frustrating part.  Not knowing if he ever wants to speak to me again, which I think is overreacting and his loss, is the hardest part.  If I knew he just needed time then I would be much better; however, sitting in limbo and not knowing part is what is killing me now.

~*~

I would have to say the past several relationships have really opened my eyes.  I am learning from these experiences and this one has also taught me how I need to evaluate how I feel in relationships.  Although hearing what my girlfriends, blog friends and Mom have to say, I think it is time for me to see Krista again—an awesome counselor I have seen here and there for whatever reason.  Krista is only 29 and although I feel at ease telling her my issues like I’m talking to a girlfriend, I know that she will tell me what is right and with her professional opinion it is different than a girlfriend chat.  Due to her age I don’t feel like I’m talking to my grandmother, which is nice.

So for the gals who commented I really do appreciate it and I didn’t take offense to anything you had to say.  Don’t hold back for me, because I need all the advice and outside perspective I can get.

~CS

~*~*~

Since Saturday evening I have not spoken to Nes.  I tried to call him once after our “discussion” and when he hung up prior he didn’t seem mad but just a little frustrated because he didn’t know what to do.  I was a little concerned about him hanging out at his ex-wife’s house because he had nothing else to do.  He said since he was “bored” he went over to spend time with his son and the Ex’s other two children from her previous marriage he lived with for about four years while they were together.  Apparently the Ex is trying to find a different job so he stayed and took care of them in order to spend time with his son.  I understand that, but why couldn’t she have dropped them off at his apartment?  He was there so much on Saturday I barely heard from him and that was because his phone was on silent since he knows his Ex hates to hear his phone go off like it does.  I’m sorry, but when did his Ex have control over him so much?!

I later realized I was overreacting a bit because I know he’s not there to spend time with her, and she was gone for some of the day anyway, but still, it was just weird.  I have tried to call him several times (that was yesterday) and I even sent him a short email today telling him I was sorry for overreacting and we need to talk to smooth things out.  He has always said if something upsets me or he does something to talk to him about it because he doesn’t want to just ignore it.  What is he doing now?  The exact thing he asked me to not do.  I stayed at home all day yesterday and either slept and cried or was on the phone and cried with girlfriends.  I know it’s not healthy, but I would have NEVER expected him to do this and not acknowledge me at all.  I’m beginning to wonder if we are even “together” anymore because one would think if he even cared about me he would say something at least.

My mother, on the other hand, says I fall for guys too hard and I’m reacting how someone normally would if they had been together for a while and the guy just broke up with her.  She said I have fallen too quickly and it’s not good for me because I keep getting my heart crushed time and time again.  I don’t know how to be in a relationship any other way.  I don’t know what to do.  When I find someone that I think is just wonderful, especially Nes, I want to be with that person.  I wasn’t planning on moving to Kansas anytime soon (too soon and lease doesn’t expire for awhile), but my emotional connection with this guy was pretty strong for me.  Now I’m not sure if I’m more upset that I don’t know what to do about the awkward situation concerning his Ex or the fact that he has been a stubborn man and ignored me coming up on 48 hours by late this evening.  We never usually go more than two hours without even a text message.

Maybe it’s true and trying to have a relationship with someone who lives 8 hours away, has two children, and is divorced (the Ex is a bit of a nut-seriously) that just makes it even harder.  I don’t want to give up though.  Everything else about Nes is what I want in a partner and I don’t want to lose that.  I had hoped maybe this would be the last person I ever date and I finally found a guy to have a relationship with who treats me the way I should be treated and can appreciate how I treat a guy in a relationship—so far that was all working.  Now I just wonder what he is thinking.

I have decided if I don’t hear from him this week then it’s done.  I don’t want to put a time limit on this, but I can’t sit around worrying myself so much I feel sick like I do.  I have moved his phone number so it’s not in my call circle to just hit ’send’ and call him because I don’t need to do that right now.  I think I’m also just very disappointed and shocked that this is even happening.  *sigh*

~*~*~

I will never forget Jennifer from my graphic design class in college.  Oh wow, I just realized how that sounded and considering I have the title of “kissy kissy” up there….  No, I’ve never kissed a woman and never ever plan to since I like da MEN.  :)  Anyway, Jennifer told me once that she hated kissing.  She said it was disgusting and just not pleasant.  I about fell off the bench from shock.  I told her she was nuts and confirmed that she was dating a guy at that time.  Jennifer said she was but that kissing is just something she doesn’t like to do.  I asked her if he went the “french” route and she said yes, but that he had so much spit she felt like she was drowning.  Oh eeek, now that is bad.  I told her once she finds a man who can kiss and keep most of his own spit in his mouth then she will enjoy it and do it often.  Jennifer told me I was crazy.  Many years later Jennifer is now in a wonderful relationship with a different guy and she has confirmed, after I teased her and asked, that she kisses Adam all the time.  I knew she’d change her mind

I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 16, and I remember it very clearly.  The movie, Dr. Dolittle, just ended and Nick leaned over and kissed me.  I was freaked out because I had never kissed a guy before and there were people still in the theater.  Then came the tongue HAHA  Ladies, I’m sure I froze but I don’t think he really noticed.  Soon we were basically sucking face (oh jeez) and were there until the movie screen went white.  Now, I’m not sure how long that actually was, but apparently we were in there too long because the lights started to dim out and then eventually went completely off.  I guess that was our cue to exit the theater.  Ever since then I have been a HUGE fan of kissing and Nes definitely knocks my socks off in that department.

You ever had an awkward one or an awesome kiss?  Want to share?  :) 

Before I leave, I wanted to share the kissing facts I found on MSN today that sparked this post.  Enjoy!

1. Two out of every three couples turn their heads to the right when they kiss.  Yup, that does always seem to happen with me.  Just the way to go I guess.

2. A simple peck uses two muscles; a passionate kiss, on the other hand, uses all 34 muscles in your face. Now that’s a rigorous workout!  Wish I could burn off a pound of fat then when I have a make out session.  That would be wonderful!!

3. Like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two lip impressions are alike.   Makes sense.

4. Kissing is good for what ails you. Research shows that the act of smooching improves our skin, helps circulation, prevents tooth decay, and can even relieve headaches.   Sorry boss, I’m busy making out with my boyfriend, I’ll be in late today.  Just trying to prevent that horrid cold or flu starting up.

5. The average person spends 336 hours of his or her life kissing.   Now how on earth did they even begin to try and figure this one out???

6. Ever wonder how an “X” came to represent a kiss? Starting in the Middle Ages, people who could not read used an X as a signature. They would kiss this mark as a sign of sincerity. Eventually, the X came to represent the kiss itself.   Well isn’t that neat?!  So how did the “o” become the ::hug:: in xoxoxo?

7. Talk about a rush! Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters in our brains as parachuting, bungee jumping, and running.   Gonna take their word on this one.  I will NEVER willingly hurl myself out of a plane 14,000 feet in the air or jump off the side of a platform/bridge and risk smacking the water–killing myself.

8. The average woman kisses 29 men before she gets married.   If I counted correctly I have kissed 17 guys.  Whether we just went on a few dates or I actually dated them.  Wow, to me that sounds like a lot of people.  My “other” number is much much smaller than that!!!

9. Men who kiss their partners before leaving for work average higher incomes than those who don’t.  Interesting, but I think that’s sweet and I hope my fella will do that too.

10. The longest kiss in movie historywas between Jane Wyman and Regis Tommey in the 1941 film, You’re in the Army Now. It lasted 3 minutes and 5 seconds. So if you’ve beaten that record, it’s time to celebrate!   One continuous kiss??  I honestly am not sure I have kissed that long, but I know my kissing sessions have gone on so long my lips look like a clown when I’m done.

~*~*~

Friday, June 6, 2008

I woke up that morning to an arm snugly up and over the left side of my wait and oddly enough, a hand grazing my right breast.  lol  I just smiled because I knew that even though he was asleep, I can’t help but wonder if he was groping me throughout the night there and I was too tired to wake up and notice.  Guys, gotta love ‘em

I didn’t get out of bed because one, I didn’t want to move from that comfy spot; two, I didn’t want to wake him and three, Chester was sleeping at the foot of the bed asleep and if I really moved he would be in my face asking to go outside.  I believe I dozed in and out for a bit and a short time later I felt a kiss on the back of my left shoulder.  ::tingles::

“Good morning, honey,” he says with a smile in his voice.  I turned over and snuggled up to him and said good morning in my groggy/scratchy voice he said is a turn on for him.  I personally think I sound a little funky, but whatever gets him I will take, right?! :)  We laid there a for awhile just talking and smooching, morning breath and all, for who knows how long.  After awhile Chester came over and was asking for attention from Nes to the point it was pathetic.  We could tell he was a bit jealous someone was sleeping in his spot on the bed.  Usually my dog snuggles up to my back but not on the pillow, that’s a no-no.

I noticed that it sounded like Nes was a little stuffed up.  I asked him if he was getting a cold and that’s when he reminded me that he is allergic to pet dander.  Uh oh.  He is allergic to my other “man”!  I thought since Chester doesn’t shed he would be better off, but that goes to show what I know about pet allergies.  He said he felt fine and didn’t care as long as we got him some allergy medicine.  Thankfully I had some Benadryl in my cabinet I had never used.  I found out on a fishing trip once that it puts me to sleep like a sleeping pill.

We finally climbed out of bed around 9:30 or so and I took Chester outside.  When I returned I reminded Nes we could go for breakfast at Chick-fil-A since they have yummy biscuits and gravy–his favorite.  By the time we got back it was about 11 and I was feeling tired again.  I needed a nap.  We laid down for a half an hour.  Um, yeah, that half an hour turned into two hours!!  Oops.  We woke up just in time to get to the Park Meadows Mall in Denver before rush hour hit.  Nes found a nice shirt at Hollister and I sprayed him with some cologne that really smelled like sex in a bottle.  *sigh*  I’m a sucker for good smelling cologne.  Gets me every time!

By 5:15 we decided it was probably best to start for the baseball field since we were meeting Michelle there to see the Rockies play the Milwaukee Brewers.  Our tickets were cheap but they were awesome seats!  I think the entire time we were together over the weekend he had ahold of my hand or he was touching somewhere on my body–which I love.  His hand was either on my lower back, on my butt (lol) or on my waist.  We all stood in line for food at the Blue Moon restaurant and he paid, which caught Michelle off guard and I was still trying to tell him I needed to pay at some point this weekend.  He refused.  Brat.  Michelle isn’t usually comfortable with anyone paying for her, much less someone she doesn’t even know, but she finally gave up. 

The game was awesome, the Rockies won and our neighbors behind us were hilarious.  Nes is a very laid back guy who is sarcastic like no one else I’ve ever met so the evening was entertaining :)  Once the game was over we said our goodbyes to Michelle and she told me he was a “good one”.  I just smiled and said, “I know.  I knew it before he even got here.”

~*~*~

Yesterday I met Michelle at the Park Meadows Mall for a late birthday celebration as she turned 25 last week.  So I took Michelle to experience the greatness that The Cheesecake Factory has to offer since neither of us have been there before.  Oh, and did it deliver!!!  I have always wanted to go to this restaurant but have never managed to get there.  The building is beautiful, the interior is gorgeous, the menu has something for everyone (200 items) and they have on average of 50 different types of cheesecake to pick from.  I have decided if I ever get married I’m going to have different cheesecake tiers instead of cake.  Awesome!

After lunch we decided some shopping was in order to walk off the food we had just consumed.  Lots of looking later I found some beautiful black shoes to wear with my dress for Sissy’s wedding.  I am in love with these shoes.  Ladies, I don’t know what the cut off limit is for you on the height of a heel, but the way these shoes look on me feet made me just feel sassy!  I had a Carrie Bradshaw moment with my shoes, although mine didn’t cost an arm, leg and an eyeball to purchase.  I brought home the Nina Victoria, in black of course.  In order for you to see the detail of the slingback strap and knot on the outstep I have provided a picture in a lighter color:

I love this shoe!  The heel is 3 1/2″ and I really can’t tell when I stand in them.  When I do walk it is of course much different since it’s a skinner heel, but I don’t care, I’m wearing them around my house and will do what I have to so I can wear them.  So what do you think?!

There was one more purchase I almost cried over since I couldn’t bring her home with me.  I saw this bag as I walked into Nordstrom’s and fell in love immediately.  I realized the bag was Dolce & Gabbana but I didn’t even care.  I also didn’t realize how much the bag would have been since I had never actually looked at a D&G bag before.  The color I loved, the style I loved for a carry-on, weekend bag or just to haul a ton of stuff if needed, and the leather was so incredibly soft.  But this Dolce & Gabbana ‘Miss Urbanette’ Dome Satchel was just too rich for my blood—at $1,995.  Isn’t she just splendid??

So after I finally parted ways with the purse, Michelle all but dragged me from the store, I looked at my year old Michael Kors bag and called it the ugly step-child.  Ouch.

~*~*~

Nes and I decided to go out to dinner to our favorite restaurant, Red Lobster, and then to the movie I had been dying to see, Sex and the City.  I was impressed that he was willing to see the movie with me, but he said if I wanted to see it then we were seeing it.  Awh, thanks!

Dinner was delicious but our waitress was a bit of a chatty-cathy.  She was a good waitress in the fact that she was so attentive and my glass never got below half full, but she just shared a little too much of her personal life with us at times.  If I remember right at one point she mentioned hickeys, but I may be mistaken.  Nes made fun of me the entire time I was wasting my time eating snow crab that takes so much effort to get to.  I threw it right back at him and said he was eating nothing but shrimp soaked in butter–I eat my crab plain with no butter :)  At one point I was trying to pull a piece of crabmeat out of the shell and it flung up and over my left shoulder.  I cringed, fearing it had landed in the hair of the woman behind us I knew was a bit tipsy.  Nope, it landed on the windowseal :)  The poor gal kept checking for crab in her hair though the rest of the time we were there, even though I told her it was my last piece.

Nes and I then headed to the new Hollywood Theater on the north end of town and I wanted to get there a little early because it was Sex and the City.  He joked that it was Thursday night, like the theater would be packed.  I told him it was a possibility!  :)  If it wasn’t packed then we could just play some arcade games to kill time of course!  Folks, there were maybe 10 people in the theater when we walked in.  I hear from behind me, “Oh damn, honey, where are we gonna sit?!  We might have to split up it’s so packed.”  I turned around and Nes was giving me a smirk and I playfully nudged him and told him to be quiet.  Such a smartass he is and I love it!

The movie of course was great!  I loved it.  For the most part I thought the clothes were damn ugly.  I think they pulled all the designer clothes from the back of their closets and used them.  I have never in my life thought a silver sequined beanie hat thing that Carrie wore to be attractive on anyone, well, maybe a flapper way back when.  Nes commented throughout the movie about things here and there and we had a great time.  Of course, the movie was interrupted a few times with sweet little kisses that he snuck in.  I think I saw him looking at me a few times out of the corner of my eye, but I may be mistaken.

By the time the movie was out, around 1:45am or so, I was beat.  The week was so long awaiting his arrival and the emotional rollercoaster of waiting for him to “land” and then him surprising me started to set in.  Nes and I headed home and I went to the closet and pulled a blanket and pillow out for him so he could sleep on the couch.  He started to undo the blanket and I just started to laugh.  If this guy thought I was really gonna make him sleep on the couch then he was completely clueless :)  I had been waiting a month to see him and so far we had hit it off perfectly.  I wanted to cuddle with this great guy and I didn’t care if it was “too soon”.  I needed to fall asleep in a man’s arms who cared for me in the way I already knew he did.

~*~*~